It’s ironic that despite being Halloween I couldn’t get motivated to write about fear today. It just wasn’t clicking. Instead, I wanted to share something that I learned last year, and the true gravity of it has really opened my eyes to the importance of our command to get married. Even more than that, the importance of doing it in a Godly way.
So anyone that knows me at all knows that my being married young was one of the most important aspects in shaping who I am as a man. I wrote about my marriage being part of my journey to finding God in another post, and I stand by that even today. However, I don’t want to go over that again right now. Instead, I want to talk about what, in my opinion, is one of the most hidden treasures in the bible.
If you’ve ever been married, or been to a wedding, or heard a priest talk about marriage, you have heard the phrase “Flesh of one flesh” or “cleave to your wife” or something similar. Well, those phrases are all from Genesis 2, which is describing the coming together of Adam and Eve. Of course it is good and wise for us to obey the commands of our Father when it comes to marriage, but do you know who actually said those? I was always lead to believe it was God. Read the verse below.
Genesis 2:23-24 23 And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
It is not in fact God, it is Adam issuing this command. Since at the beginning of 23 it says “The man said”. There are only 3 beings in the picture here. Yaweh, Adam and Eve. The Man only describes one of those, and it is Adam. Maybe I am literally alone on the planet in finding this fascinating, but it’s the pursuit of passages like this that have helped heal my marriage from a long abuse by porn addiction. Thus, I will continue my quest to find more.
Now, why do I find this so fascinating? Several reasons.
First, to my knowledge this is the only uncorrupted command made by Man for himself before the fall. We know this because the fall is recorded in Genesis 3 (after this) and because Genesis 2:25 talks about Adam and Eve being naked and unashamed. Since shame was one of the “gifts” of our inheritance of Sin, we have been twice confirmed that this is Man in his perfect state issuing a command. This is Man with the full blessing and fellowship of Yaweh, in the Garden of Eden, planning for the continuation of Mankind to fulfill his mission to multiply and spread the Edenic vision across the entire planet.
I may never be able to accurately explain how that feels via text, but reading those passages I can almost see it in my mind. I can almost feel the caged potential there of what we could have been if we hadn’t fallen. Almost. I know in my spirit that I can’t truly encapsulate what we would have been, but it’s probably the passage that brings me closest, and that’s somehow glorious to me.
Second, this is proof that children and the multiplication of man were not burdens of the Fall. The PAIN of childbirth, and also possibly the carnal desire for sex are burdens from the fall, but we were always meant to marry, reproduce, and spread God’s vision across the Chaos of creation. Keep in mind, at this moment we were immortal. So even as immortals we were meant to spread and reproduce. This leads me to ask interesting questions about human life after the final resurrection, but I do not have wisdom or answers for them yet.
Third, we all know that there are a LOT of wrong ways to raise children and a family floating around these days. Hookup culture and single parenting have destroyed 2 generations of kids now, and are well on their way to consuming a third, at least right up to the point they stop pursuing relationships all together because they are so painful. On the other end of the spectrum you have some weird kind of insulating stifling ultra trad toxicity, that basically treats everyone that isn’t the trad poster as chattel property. You are just a pawn to be married off the spread the glory of “The Family” and even after marriage you just kinda sit around popping out kids until the Patriarch gives you a mission. It’s like some kind of weird analog version of Crusader Kings but with less assassination or crusades.
We, as men, literally only have one surviving uncorrupted command for ourselves. It’s the one record I know of that isn’t contaminated by the touch of Original Sin. Perhaps we should listen to it. Our original Patriarch Adam commanded “man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife”. So what does that mean?
To me, and as I have lived my life, I believe it means men (and women) should stay at home with their parents until they are married and move out to form their own household. Once that move occurs, the new husband is the new patriarch of his house, and it is his domain and his responsibility, not Grandpa’s. I also believe that this should happen as quickly as possible. We’ve managed to attach all kinds of stupid rules in our own heads to marriage and children. It was bad enough when women wanted to freeze their eggs and put off kids until they were some kind of industry magnate making 100k. Now trad boys are just as stupid and insist they shouldn’t get married till they are 35 and have a million dollar net worth so they can attract a “high value mate”, as if that very sentence doesn’t suck the life and joy out of a relationship. Bonus thought, it means you don’t ask daddy for his permission. The old flesh doesn’t get a vote.
You’re both equally stupid if you believe any of that garbage. Date for marriage, stay chaste until you are married, get married as soon as you know you want to be with someone forever (that may be about an hour, at least if you are me), spend lots of time praying for discernment about the right woman, and marry with your whole heart and soul in the presence of God. The rest will attend to itself.
See, the thing that gets us in trouble is being alone. I think that is what Adam was trying to tell us. Eve succumbed to the serpent because she was alone. Had they been together, perhaps the two perfect humans could have withstood his temptations. It’s the same now. That weird psuedo period where you are a single guy or gal strutting around the world isn’t making you better. It’s hardening you off and making marriage WAY harder later. You think getting married young is hard? Try being two singles in your mid thirties who have been alone for 15 years and you gotta try and submit to someone. That’s not a marriage, that’s a merger, and it sucks.
I got married at 18 to the most amazing, supportive, wonderful, and gorgeous woman I ever had the pleasure of meeting. I knew within a very short span I never wanted to be apart from her, and all these years later I haven’t been. We didn’t live together first. We didn’t wait to see how we felt as adults. I’ve never been that “single guy” hanging out with the bros. I left my parents nest, and I cleaved to the flesh of my wife. Looking around at my marriage versus so many others, I did it right, and I’m not ashamed to say I was right.
This isn’t because of any strength or goodness on my own part. This is because I unwittingly followed the one uncorrupted command that Man ever gave himself. It’s all there if we just read, pray and obey. It’s simple.
God bless you all brothers and sisters. I love being married. If you need prayers for your relationship or have any questions I can answer, I’d love to help.